The holidays can be such a joyous time, but for those who are grieving a loved one – whether it be six months, a year, or a decade – they can most certainly be a difficult time as well. Grief can hit us at any time throughout the year, but the holidays in particular seem to amplify this.
We spoke with our Chaplains here at Hospice to get their thoughts on grief during the holidays, how to best move through them, and how to handle grief in a way that works best for the individual.
Is it okay to grieve during the holidays?
Pastor Mike Santy writes, “Of course, the holidays are times of togetherness and joy, but you can allow yourself to grieve during the holidays as well. Grief and loss are undesirable, but they have a place during all times of the year. Give yourself permission to think, act, and feel what is helpful during the holidays.”
What are ways to honor our loved ones during the holiday without them?
Pastor Mike shares, “My family hangs picture ornaments of our parents on the Christmas tree. We also make/try to recreate the special dishes that they used to bring to the table each Holiday season.” Chaplain John Maselli offers, “Donate in their name; Have them remembered in a religious service; Talk to family and friends about them; Light candles in their memory; Give one of their possessions to someone who loved and appreciated them; Maybe use your experience to help others who are grieving.”
Why does grief during the holidays seem so much harder?
Chaplain John explains, “Grieving during the holiday season can be very difficult. While all those around us are celebrating, we feel like we are on the outside looking in. Our sense of loss is often magnified during this time of year because the holiday season is filled with memories of the one we lost. While we are surrounded by people, we can feel alone and isolated.” Little things like, “a holiday card addressed to the person who died or a gift neatly wrapped under the tree with the departed’s name on it serve as reminders of their “physical absence” in our lives,” says Chaplain Matthew Binkewicz. These reminders can knock us off balance and upset our assumptive world – the world in which everything was normal. Perhaps these reminders magnify our sadness, eclipsing the joy of those around us.”
How should you approach those around you struggling with a loss?
Chaplain John suggests, “Be compassionate and sincere. As you comfort and support them, remember that the sense of loss is real. Don’t minimize or try to simplify what they are going through. Remember they need to be heard and supported. They do not need you to solve their problems. It is also okay to be at a loss for words. Your presence is often more comforting than any words of wisdom.”
Are there things one can do to prepare mentally and emotionally for the upcoming holiday season?
“The most important thing to remember is there is no right or wrong way to celebrate the holiday season after the death of a loved one. The best coping mechanism for the first holiday season is to plan ahead, get support from others and take it easy.” – Pastor Mike
Any closing thoughts?
“There are no rules against us taking time for ourselves, alone, in the quiet of our home. Healing requires time and patience. Our lives do not center on pleasing others or meeting their expectations during the holidays. The journey of grief is a healing one if we invest the time and effort into it. Rather than please others or pretend the death never happened, we need to acknowledge the loss and find ways to incorporate our grief into our lives. Perhaps we feel too overwhelmed by the holidays and decide not to send cards or host the traditional dinner. The decisions we make provide us with a sense and understanding that we are in control of our destiny. We are in charge, and neither the disease nor the death can hold us captive. We have the freedom to redirect our emotional and physical energy in ways that bring healing and restoration into our lives, in a way that acknowledges our loss and moves us forward.” – Matthew P. Binkewicz, Chaplain
Click HERE to read the entire interview with our Chaplains!
To read the full Fall Newsletter, please click HERE!