Starting The Conversation

More often than not, a family member or friend will shy away from talking to you about terminal illness or death. It’s a topic that makes many uncomfortable. Most times, you may have to initiate the conversation to express your wishes.

Benefits to starting the conversation:

It ensures your wishes are carried out.

It relieves the stress family and friends have when they are guessing what your wishes are.

Some people find it helpful to write down their values, personal concerns, spiritual beliefs, and their vision of what they would like done in the event of a debilitating illness or their death. For many, it’s much easier to talk about their views with loved ones. Here are some things to think about:

If you become ill, who would you like to care for you? Would you prefer to stay at home for as long as possible? Is there another setting you’d like to move to?

Sharing your end-of-life care decisions does two very important things:

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It ensures that people know what you would like to happen. Your family won’t be wondering if they did the right thing.

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A recent illness has brought about concerns I have for my future should I become ill or disabled. I want to have a plan in place should something like this happen to me.

To ensure your wishes are carried out you must make your wishes known. You should appoint a health care proxy or agent and then discuss with them your directives and wishes. You should communicate with family and friends about who your health care proxy/agent is.

You may encounter family members who disagree with your wishes. Explain to them why you have made your decisions and who will be making the decisions for you if you are unable to.

You may consider making a living will. If you do, you should send copies of any documents, files, wills, or wishes to your physician, lawyer, and health care proxy. An important part of getting your end-of-life wishes carried out is letting your family/friends know what you expect from them even if it means they play a secondary role to your proxy or health care agent.

We at Hospice often see families in crisis because they are unsure of what their loved one wanted. We can help.

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