Preface:  This article was published in the Nutrition, Health and Wellness Column of the Weekly Adirondack newspaper.  In this column, Kelly begins by discussing “One Square Mile of Hope”, an event where 1,104 canoes and kayaks rafted together to benefit the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation. 

Survivors, of a Different Sort

Kelly E. Hamlin, MA, RD, CDN 

Today’s column is going to be a little different than what you are used to hearing from me.  In a way it does have to do with health and wellness, but on a different level.  I want to say that the One Square Mile of Hope was a fabulous event, the boys and I had a great time.  Of course, the Mr.’s were thrilled to be part of a record breaking event!  But it got me thinking, we have these awesome cancer awareness events, such as the Pink Ribbon Riders, the T.H. E. Motorcycle Ride, The Cousins that Care, as well as the survivors groups, etc, and they are all so important.  But when I attend or hear about these events, I become sad and sometimes upset.  I don’t know if people forget or if we make them uncomfortable, but what about the “survivors”?  Who are the “survivors”?  We are the ones who survive those who didn’t, those who lost the battle.   

I was so pleased when at the Square Mile of Hope that Kristin Condie mentioned the monarch butterflies.  It was neat, I saw them too.  There were a bunch of butterflies flying around when we were all out on the water.  Kristen said that the butterflies were those who were gone and who wanted to be there, but couldn’t.  It was funny, because when I saw them, I thought of a time that the boys and I were climbing Rocky Pt. and a butterfly followed us all the way up and all the way back.  At one point there were two.  We talked about how that must have been their dad and Aunt Ginny spending some time with us on a beautiful day.  So, when I saw the butterflies the day of the Square Mile event, I couldn’t help but think of my husband, his sister and his mom.   

So many people talk about the Komen Foundation, the American Cancer Society, the walks, the motorcycle rides, etc.  They are all such important fundraisers.  However, there is one agency that people sometimes forget about and that is Hospice.  As important it is to find a cure, it’s also so important to help those who are dealing with the end-stages and grief of knowing they are losing the battle.  Also, those of us who have lost loved ones, Hospice helps us to deal with the loss and helps us to learn to begin a new life without those we’ve lost.  To me, Hospice is one of the most important, wonderful, fabulous, caring, compassionate, fun (I’ll explain) agencies that exists.  Having hospice in our lives was one of the most comforting things that could have happened at that time of our lives.  Not just for the medical part of it (God bless their patience, because I’m pretty sure I drove them nuts those last couple of days) but for the way they truly cared.  For Sean and Casey, hospice was invaluable.  The teachings and “tools” that the counselors and volunteers used to help ALL of the kids were amazing.   We, the caregivers, were allowed to go to “circle” time at the end of each counseling session.  At circle time the kids could share whatever they wanted, a memory, a memento, art, a picture, etc.  Each time was incredible – it was always amazing to see how these kids who lost parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts/uncles, could cope.  The reason that many of them could cope was hospice.  One of my favorite examples was a lesson where the kids assigned each color a different feeling – i.e. red (anger); blue (sad), yellow (scared), green (happy), etc.  The colors (food coloring) were put into a jar of water as each child picked a color/emotion.  Of course, the result was black water.  This black water represented all of the feelings that the kids (and us adults too) feel all of the time.  The counselor added the magic ingredient of time, hope, faith, love and the water turned a sort of clearish yellow.  As she pointed out, when bad things happen, when we lose someone we love, our world goes a sort of black.  But with time, hope, faith and love, it will get better (or clearer).  Now, the water did not go back to clear, it was changed; but when we lose people we love, we are forever changed as well.  Not necessarily in a bad way, but still changed. 

Hospice of CNY is fortunate enough to have a week long camp. It was INCREDIBLE! The camp itself was AWESOME.  It was in Manlius at a YWCA camp.  There was horseback riding, arts/crafts, swimming, obstacle course, kayaking, etc.  Just like a regular camp, all of the kids had a ball.  But it’s only for kids who have lost a loved one.  One of the saddest parts is that kids can only attend for 2 years because there are SO many who want to attend.  It is run strictly by volunteers, none of whom are paid and many have to take time off from their regular jobs.  I will never, ever forget the first time I dropped them off.  I don’t know the exact number, but I think there had to be about 50 kids there.  I left in tears knowing that each of these kids had lost one or more person that they loved.  There is also a group of women, who are involved in the Linus (like Linus from Charlie Brown) project, and every kid that attends any hospice program receives a hand-made blanket to have to wrap themselves in, like a hug.  There was also a woman I met thru Hospice who is a quilter.  She made quilts for the boys out of their dads clothes, they are awesome!  There are so many, quiet, behind the scenes people who try to make our lives as “survivors” a little bit better, a little brighter.  These people are amazing and I thank God that there are people who can help the kids (and adults) feel a little bit better.   

This Sunday, November 30^th, will be the four year anniversary of losing Chuck.  It’s been six years  since we lost his sister, Gin, and 2 years since we lost his Mom.  With all three of them, Hospice was an invaluable resource and helped to give us the strength to live and continue with our lives.  I will forever be grateful to CNY Hospice for all they have done and given to us (time, care, support).